Eaters Coma

Do you sleep in the afternoon or do you feel heavy-eyed once you have your lunch? Well, I don’t know about you but this is me. The guy who sleeps or literally dies for 2-3 hours in the afternoon (especially summer’s) and exit into an oblivion. You can label me as a miscreant according to Chacha Nehru’s notion that “Aaraam Haraam Hai” or my parents comment on me—“is umar mai to aadmi lohe ke chane chabaa leta hai” (though I am only 21 and my Colgate teeth can’t afford to taste sugarcane properly what about iron pellets) but what should I do? The moment I eat my lunch I feel as if somebody has pull down my power plug. Others might sell horses when they sleep but I trade the whole of Race Course when I do it. It is as if I am the most relaxed person on this earth, done all his deeds, fulfill all his duties and taken retirement and enjoying his pension.

This is just the preface; I shall describe you the process. Being a foodie I enjoy my delicious diet t0 the fullest. In fact I think that my constant demands and crying needs for “Swadisht Khaana” have forced my mother to learn cook better. So now when she serves cuisines like Rajma Chawal, Kadi Chawal, Chole-Bhature, Puri-kheer, Dosa, Dum aalo, Naan-makhani daal, Fried Rice-curd etc I actually overeat it because I am helpless in front of my tasting buds. After some time of the consumption I feel like a magnet is straining all my muscles, there is a sense of laziness in the body as if blood vessels have formed a union and went on a strike so that their appeal for the rest can be incorporated. The brain stopped the calculation, the eyes shutter is getting to shut with every passing second, the mouth tries to open its gates as wide as possible with every yawn and buckets of water is thrown from inside the body through the eyes. Now if I switch on the water cooler in this war ilk situation, the air coming from the fans push me, in fact throws me on the bed. There have been situations when I tried so much but in the end capitulated, left everything I was doing and raced to sleep. I don’t know why but I can even prostrate on the cool floor in this situation. I think I can relate this to Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. In his basic needs, once your stomach is full, next might the sleep/rest, so ultimately you eat-sleep, eat-sleep.

If I observe myself in the last 10 years (which I can remember properly) I have felt sleepy, lazy and almost slept whenever and wherever I have been, during the afternoon hours. During school days, I tend to eat Parantha-sabzi, rice, sandwich etc and then we used to play till the last bell of recess. After the recess, when the sun was on the top, body was producing tones of sweat and stomach was digesting the food from the crop fields, teacher used to enter the class and teach subjects like ugly History, dimwit Geography, scary Biology and insane Math. At that point of time I tried my best not to lie on the desk because then I would have been caught but was forced to sleep with almost 90% of my eyes shutter closed and both the eyeballs giving me the picture of my nose (that’s what they see when you sleep with your eyes open, a little). Even my other classmates were following me for the reason that those teachers were ennui and taught without body and soul.

During college life, when I was doing an internship in Delhi, the office staff used to lunch between 1 pm-2 pm. Post lunch I never left any opportunity to sleep whether in bus whether in metro or even on the table where I used to work. After my battery was charged then only human machine allowed me to resume work. In fact recently I was doing a theatre workshop. After the lunch, we always used to watch a documentary on theatre or videos of past plays. In the big auditorium when darkness looms and two big Air Conditioners were making the atmosphere chilling even the scintillating voice of Naseeruddin Shah and classic plays by the legendary Habib Tanveer couldn’t stop me from taking the advantage of zero visibility and selling the Race course once again as if it is my fundamental right. And this time too some of my colleagues joined in but our shutters were completely locked.

So this is me, the proud individual who is yawning and sleeping for almost 20 years and that too without a break. When I introspect on why this happens that once you are over with your lunch you feel lethargic; the answer comes that the nature has made humans like this. Even we sleep after the dinner so why not lunch. So better leave it the way it is.

There have been a few key observations; you feel like sleepy more in summer than in winter, boredom will dig out the sleep from any corner of your body, you will literally want to sleep more after lunch and a heavy lunch is a friend of sleep. Even I am not the only one who is doing this crime, if you watch out carefully you will find that most of the shopkeepers prefer taking rest or a nap after lunch, even rickshawwallahs can be seen lying and adjusting their body size in their rickshaw during afternoon. Some of the relatives cannot be reached after the lunch because they have the habit of sleeping.

So now as the life gets busy and my inner “JawaharLal” (soul) has started saying “aaarm haraam hai”, to combat this addiction I have pasted an A-4 sheet on my room wall which declares “those who sleep after the lunch live less” and I try to watch a movie after the lunch (if at home) because the UV rays of the machine which don’t sleep don’t allow my shutters to go down!!!!

EATERS COMA is a new addition to dictionary. It means a condition characterized by sluggishness, sleepiness, and often a lack of motivation to do anything but rest/relax or sleep; a condition whose onset occurs shortly after a meal.

"The article was written at authors home"

"Feel Free to Comment"




Recommended Articles written by me:
1) "A Suicide Note"                        2)"Idle Hands"    

Film Review: The Hurt Locker.....

Rating: 7.5/10

Protagonist: Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, Brian Geraghty

Director: Kathryn Bigelow

Duration: 2 hrs 10 mins

Small Reality, Big Impact

Through news channel & movies we all have witnessed war coverage’s--heard gunshots, seen sentry movements, explosions, and fire, blood etc etc etc….

But have we ever seen the emotions of a soldier who goes to war?? The Hurt Locker is a 21^st century war movie which actually shows the pity condition of US army fighting in the deadly battlefield of Baghdad. 

Sergeant James (Jeremy), Sergeant Sanborn (Anthony) and Owen Eldridge (Brian) are soldiers of the US army stationed in Baghdad whose duty is to disarm and contain the deadly bombs camouflaged by a potential enemy with the clear intention to further maximum damage.

Sanborn and Eldridge, scared and unwilling, performing their contractual obligation by testing waters of the armpit of the world (Baghdad) so they can escape from this hell once their tenure is over. But they are held back and put into an extreme danger when they are joined by their new senior, a devil, Sergeant James.

The 3 soldiers represent 3 kinds of emotions any mortal would have in any situation:

James--a knucklehead who is totally confident, in fact reckless when dealing with bombs which he calls “baby”.

Sanborn--who behaves normally both fearful as well as hopeful that he might or might not die.

Eldridge--a gone case, whose all hopes are shattered of returning alive to his home when mission ends.

I liked The Hurt Locker because though it shows a small reality but it created a big impact which is, that, soldiers are grudgingly doing their duty because nobody will give a shit if they die in the Iraq War. And it does leave you with sympathy for the innocent both the US soldier and Iraqis who got killed in this war.

The film is successful in creating the aura of a war which is rough, scary and real. It does seem lengthy in the end and the music could have played a bigger role. In the performance the jackass Jeremy Renner stands out and reminds me of young Russell Crowe.

“A Suicide Note”

Life is getting very boring. The ubiquitous terrorism, plane crash, road accidents, diseases, naxalism and recession has created the fear of death in many mighty hearts. Now we think that the probability of death has increased.

So let’s embrace death. Let’s enjoy the Mirinda of death. Let’s solve this mystery that what is after death by walking over the symphonies of death.

For so long I’ve been looking for a person who can share with me that how death looks----is it she or he?? Is it beautiful or ugly??? Is it black or white or as colorful as a rainbow??? But sadly I couldn’t find such a creature.

So this has emboldened me to start a new consultancy. I want to be the first one to actually enlighten people that what death is all about. What are the features of death? Does it only have benefits or shortcomings too?

But the dilemma is that how should I die? Already surviving a boring life I want to observe death as an American Pie movie embedded with prom nights, lost virginities and naked mile. Or I want to taste it as the Raja Special Dosa (Raja is a snacks corner nearby my college) embedded with all the masalas, oil and butter produced in the Indian subcontinent. Or let’s death be a “Manoranjan Ka Baap” like Sachin’s 200 in ODI or Kumble’s 10 wicket haul in Test.

But the Q remains the same. What should be my escape route to death? I don’t want to be tagged as a loser by hanging myself to a ceiling fan, throwing myself on the railway track, taking sleeping pills or the cheap rat killing poison. Cutting my arteries will be too “Bollywoodic”. And for me these all methods are “shift+delete” mode which are indoctrinated for useless files or for files which are of no use (in this case people who are of no use). But I am special. I have to make my death memorable and historic. Following can be one of the way:-

• Me having sex with my neighbour’s daughter and his father caught us in his bed and chop me into pieces.

• Enjoying the sumptuous wine and then jaywalking naked on the highway. A lorry will come and hit me down.

• Landing myself in Pakistan and becoming the 1st whistle blower in the world by painting their walls with the Indian message that:-

“doodh maangoge kheer denge; kashmir maangoge cheer denge”

The result will be that I’ll be cremated as a true Indian and there might be a national holiday on my death anniversary.

• Rapes are always forced on females. I can be the 1st person to rape a man and this male dominated society will punish me severely for this illicit and barbarian act. I will meet death after gaining all the sympathies from women.

• This one is my personal favourite. After watching the rip-roaring video of Shakira (Hips Don’t Lie) almost 200 times when I came to know that she’ll be performing in India and when I actually watch her lustrous hips shaking and lying just 20 meters away from me, my adrenalin gave me a heart attack. Shakira sobbed on my death and assuming me to be her true fan started performing free in India every year to commemorate my death anniversary.

• The best way to reverberate about my suicide is to send a letter to the President of India asking him/her to grant me death as I am fed up of my life. Now every day 1000’s of Indians die and nobody gives a shit about it. But this will make me popular as “Breaking News” proletariats will not leave an inch of my news and there will be SMS’s, discussions, polls, and editorials questioning my decision.

If I keep thinking then this list will make my suicide note a boring dossier which I don’t want. I want to end my 72 per minute heartbeat in a way that makes people happy not because our oversized population reduces by 1 but remembering me as an opportunist who doesn’t even spare the opportunity of death to experiment and explore. So let’s die!!!!!!!!


"The article was written at a Competition "
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Recommended Articles written by me:


1) "Eaters Coma"                                          2)"She"

“Idle hands”

At present India’s GDP is $1.243 trillion or Rs 57.178 trillion (1 dollar= Rs 46) and we are the 2nd fastest growing economy in the world. According to economists, by 2020 we’ll be the frontrunners of growth. Complacency can be sensed here as we are satisfied with the current happenings as well as the forecast. But I think that by now we could have been the fastest growing economy. Why wait 2020?

India’s population is 115 crore. This means that in India we have 230 crore hands (leaving physically challenged aside) and each hands per capita is Rs 24,783 to the economy. Don’t you think this is less? I think it is.

9.5% of Indians are unemployed. But are they the only ones who negatively hit our economy? Well this article talks about those who doesn’t do any work (inspite being capable), those who wrongly use their power, those who should not be doing the work they are doing, those who doesn’t have work, those who doesn’t allow others to work and those who work but doesn’t add anything.

1. In Bharat (poor India) a farmer perseveres as he extracts the rich food from the soil. But impediment like drought forces him to sit idle because more than 60% of Indian farming depends on rainfall. If these unrewarded farmers are provided with irrigation facilities, technical know-how, training and credit from the GOI, we Indians will not only feed us but the whole world.

2. Government doesn’t create wealth but people do. Each and every Indian industry is operated by its labour force. But when they goes off work & strikes it affects the daily productivity and we loss crores of Rupees. Similarly, teacher are quintessential to school and colleges. But several hours of education goes unutilised when they sit on their notorious dharnas. In a nutshell, strike is detrimental to any country

3. The king of government offices i.e. its officials, love tea breaks, chatting and gossiping, use office phones to converse with relatives. Rules say “stay in line” but I ask why there are queues in India? Undoubtedly, when an incapable person is employed at the counter, queues have to be longer and files have to wait. .

 

4. Police is the busiest authority in India. You can never find policemen idle though actually they are. Police is never interested in writing down the FIR as a few FIRS reflects low crime rate which portrays the hard work of police. And if written then who is interested in solving the case? Or sometimes it’s better to fake the encounter than to play the chor-police game.

5. Considerable time of any proletariat Indian goes in commuting. The majority use public transport. Sadly, India’s public transport cannibalized with wheels and a speedometer up to 200km/hr is one of the sluggish. State owned buses don’t turn up and if they come they travel in pairs. It’s a trick they use. Private buses can’t afford its passengers to be on time. They don’t run unless there are enough commuters. The passenger trains in India are the worst example of punctuality. Even sometimes this character is also happily portrayed by our passenger airservices. Every second wasted cost our GDP

6. There is another service which takes 15 years to deliver. Average time consumed by our judiciary to decide a case is 15 years. So Indians prefer to be a victim than to be involved in court cases.

7. Sometimes, we are forced to sit idle. Power failure is ubiquitous in India. As power fails, every major activity comes to halt. Traffic jams, data loss, no entertainment, no rest/sleep, no production, no customer handling. People say “no power-----no water.” Infact many villages are still to be electrified and a few which are electrified enjoy very less number of electric hours. So Bharat have only sunlight hours to work.

8. The so called creative people in India believe that grass is always greener on the other side. They do creative work but don’t apply their creativity. They are our idle brains. Copying somebody’s music, lyrics or even film and saying we are inspired from it is a cushy number. A few uses a whole book as a script and then don’t even credit the writer. Even article and column writers keep pasting each others work in the journals. Some anxiously wait for foreign authors to write something so that they can also get inspired from it. Some only believes that life is an internet and follows Google for every question without pressurizing their 1.5 kg (containing 50–100 billion neurons) brain.

9. As the saying goes idle brain is the home of the devil. Partisans influenced by politicians create violence and dismantle the whole public property. Several are killed, many injured and the state comes to rest. Why? Because some people migrated to our state and grabbing our pie of bread. At times reasons are that we want a separate state because we are discriminated. Nothing is worst than a curfew imposed and all movements sealed.

10. Interestingly, Indian economy started showing losses in 1970 when skilled diaspora stopped returning to India and at the same time begins the America’s golden period. Though highly skilled professional people might be sending remittance galore but those hands could have worked for our motherland and the total money out of which small remittances are sent to us could have been generated here.

11. In every corner of our society, in each famous shop, at most of the thellas, factories etc. White Tigers of India are working as servants and cheap labour. At the age when their hands should be holding books and comics they do washing, cleaning, loading, sweeping, serving and begging. They are the future entrepreneurs, teachers, lawyers etc but if the situation prevails then one of them will be a local thief, one will join naxal, one with terrorist org. some will be unemployed and beggars and some will be drug addicts.

12. We have talked about idle hands, idle brain and now idle space. Materialism has impacted Indians profoundly. Everybody wants a personal car as a symbol of style statement. It hurts me to see that in the age of global warming most Indians prefer enjoying driving alone. No car pooling. Those empty seats if filled could have saved black gold and saved our lungs and our planet.

I don’t know that whether you’ll agree with me or not but I think our President’s hands have less to do. It’s a very debatable question that whether India’s PM is more powerful or President? Our President might be doing more work than our PM but don’t you think we listen more of PM. Our PM is more visible in news and is involved in almost all the decisions. What I’ve observed is that for everything we run to PM. Instead some of PM’s decision powers should be under President’s authority so the work is equally divided and decisions are taken speedily and considerably.

In this whole article I’ve tried to summaries the activities which add to non productivity, negative returns, decelerating growth and development though they might be numerous.

If everybody does the right work at the right time then we don’t have to wait for decades and miracles to be a superpower.

"The article was written at authors home"
(Feel free to Comment)




Recommended Articles written by me:

1) "A Suicide Note"                                      2) "Where Struggle Never ends"